A new language and a new dictionary?

Nearing the end of PST now. A certain comfort has been developed and maintained with our current host families, that I will be reluctant to leave. A sort of broken language has somehow been pieced together from the daily barrage of language classes. My host family is patient and speaks slowly, for the benefit of my understanding (nearing upwards of 75%, I might add). We all, as a PST group blissfully flew through the early weeks of training, discounting of course the first week of confusion, delusion and a sort of waking state of sleep. As PST has pushed forward we have all begun to feel the pressure to pick up the language, become sparkling examples of Americas finest at every waking moment, while still integrating seamlessly into the fabric of Moldovan society. In other words, we are exhausted. A weird sort of exhuastion I believe is independent of all other I have known.

While confusion of communication has a strong hold over many of us, acting as the keystone of our exhaustion. The still relatively new landscape that we will be living in for the next 2+ years is not absent in our sleepy minds. Unfortunately for us this exhaustion is taken out not only on our loved ones back home, host families here, and fellow volunteers, but is most commonly taken out on our loyal and unbelieveably patient LTIs (language trainer instructors). These women are the cream of the crop, the most wonderful Moldovans and people you could be blessed to have teaching you. But, given our close quarters for 6 mornings a week...for the past 7 weeks...it is not surprise, that we, once bright eyed and bushy tailed volunteers, have morphed into rather cranky, impatient and utterly lost beings. Often, I enjoy being corrected when speaking, it allows me to recognize my mistake. However, on some unpleasant mornings, when I have woken on the wrong side of the bed, and seem to say everything wrong, the correction of my nouns from masculin singular definit to feminine plural indefinit is about all I can take.God bless them for putting up with us, without them there is no way any of us would accomplish anything during our time here. Their patients allows us all, when needed, to feel successful, and to act as a support when we are clearly failling behind.

In my almost two months in Moldova I have begun to make observations about the Peace Corps ideals and values. Coming fresh from the University life, I, as anyone who knows me can atest, base my life in large part around success and failure. I try to maximize the success and minimize the failure, well don't we all. Luckily in my short time here I have quickly begun to newly define these two words; success and failure. Success, atleast in my narrow definition has been learned anew here in the Peace Corps, and is measured entirely differently from how I view the word back home. Success back home was acing the exam, scoring the job, and solidifying the resume. Success here is talking with a local, being invited to help with cooking a meal, joking with your host family and growing fond of the many new traditions. Success has taken on a new fulfilling, wholesome and rewarding meaning. I was never able to understand this definition back  home. This being said, failure too, gets a newly defined meaning. In the US failure is viewed as bombing the test, getting fired from the job, and spending time in a socially-viewed unproductive fashion. Conversely, failure here is the unwillingness to try, the isolation of ones self and the indifference to create sustainable change. I must say these shifting definitions make it easier for me to consider myself thus far, considerably more successful than a failure. Though I can't say I will not hold myself to the highest expectiations, this is my life after all, I intend to steer this ship to greatness! I will continue to discover and explore the newness of this country and my microscopic role in it as my position shifts from trainee to volunteer. And, perhaps, if you are bored on a saturday afternoon, you too will join me as I clumsily record these simple pieces of peace.

Until next time,
Peace