Athena: Goddess of Wisdom

Everyone has that one friend that is filled with wisdom beyond their years. The kind of friend who cheers you on no matter the context, who can find beauty in simplicity, and can illuminate your heart and mind even when you feel you are lost in darkness. I was lucky enough to find this friend my freshman year of college.

My friend Athena is a wonderfully optimistic and grounded person. She is currently a graduate student in Hawaii, studying to get her masters in Psychology, so she can someday realize her dreams of becoming a world-class sex therapist. This is a friend I am proud to say I have. As time goes by and my 'business minded' brain begins to consider thoughts outside the realm of interest rates and yield curves, I'm beginning to think she was put into my life for a reason. I'm beginning to think that my friendship with her has given me the tools I need to get through the toughest of days (and weeks...and months) I have here in Moldova.

I have had more "ah-ha" moments with her than anyone I know. Everyone knows those moments I'm talking about, where the light bulb goes off in your mind and suddenly it just 'makes sense'. I don't know if maybe I'm just slower at maturing into these realizations, but I credit her for jump starting my 'thought engine' and making me consider new ideas about how to experience life.

One of my more profound memories of our friendship was late one night. We had been talking for awhile about an assortment of different topics, nothing of grave importance, probably classes, or boys, or the lack of selection at the dining hall that night, but somehow we got on the topic of 'the future'. I remember telling her that I didn't think my life had followed the 'normal' path and that I just wanted my life to be 'normal' in the eyes of the on-looker. I remember her responding without hesitation; 'Why would you want your life to be normal? You aren't bound for normal, you are supposed to live a life that is different. It shouldn't be normal, it should be special.'  I hadn't considered living outside the 'norm' before, I was an economics major, I like capitalism, I liked conformity, it was where my comfort lay. This was an early conversation in our friendship, I think it was probably a spark that started the concentrated fire within me.

Over the next four years we stayed close friends. We both had our own lives, she excelled as an RA (obviously) and later as an assistant hall director. But through it all we made sure to keep our friendship strong. Each year she taught me something new, each year she (perhaps unknowingly) helped me grow into a stronger person. Senior year she put the finishing touches on me, makes me sound like a class project, her sprinkling a bit of her 'Athena glitter' on me. I know how she feels about some of the relationships in her life, I definitely don't want to be put into the ebb and flow category, I have told her I can't be washed to sea, she is stuck with me. Her glitter is the ability to see beauty in everything. She can find it in the most unexpected of places, watching a caterpillar crawling along a table, the taste of an excellent hot chocolate, the wind whistling through a tree...I could go on. Stopping to notice the little things, this was her final lesson for me. This has been one of the most important lessons I have carried with me to my Peace Corps service.

These past couple of weeks have been tough for me. Finding my footing and mixing myself into the grain of society has been more of a challenge than I originally thought. The feeling of homesickness has loomed in my mind every moment. People back home remind me of 'how proud they are of me' and how 'I shouldn't worry because I am strong and it will get better'. Those are some hollow words when you are actually here. The feeling of being isolated and alone, while also feeling on-display is a hard sort of mixture to understand. After these conversations the person on the other end gets to turn off their computer and give my Peace Corps experience a romanticized hardship. These emotions are also followed closely by guilt. Life here isn't physically demanding, and I have access to a hot shower and high speed internet. Often I am confused by why I am complaining, spoiled American.

What has gotten me through so far? Besides the support and friendship of other volunteers, I have taken a stance to actively notice the little things. A bad day can be completely turned around if I am able to see and realize the perfect imperfection in my surroundings. The other day I was in a bad mood, I couldn't pin point the exact reason but nothing was going 'my way'. I had stopped at five different shops in town looking for cheese to make my lunch, none of them had cheese, this seemed to be the final straw. I begrudgingly made my way home thinking about the cereal I would be eating for the second time that day. As I walked, I listened to a mix I had titled 'happy music', I was going to try my best to not let my bad mood take me down. The awesome U2 song 'Beautiful Day' came on, I found myself singing along, throwing up a little prayer that maybe my day would turn around. As I crossed my narrow concrete bridge and marched up the trail I saw a piece of white paper on the ground. I thought to myself 'big surprise, someone throwing their garbage wherever is convenient', but as I passed the piece of paper I realized a heart had been cut out of the paper. This was my sign. A few steps further and there the white paper heart lay. I stopped, on the path, staring down at this dirty white heart. This was my sign, this was what I had been waiting for. I picked up the paper heart, it had dirty foot prints on it but I didn't care. I tucked it into my bag and continued my walk home. My day had turned around. This silly piece of paper had been exactly what I needed. Somehow, I felt like everything was going to be okay. I walked into the first shop near my house with a new sort of hope, maybe they would have my product. No, all out. I had one more chance, one more store to check. I walked the couple of blocks down to the store. I saw from a block away the sign that said closed. I couldn't believe my luck, I wanted to pretend I was reading it wrong, maybe it's open, maybe I'm just really that bad at Romanian. I walked up and tried the door, locked. I took a deep breath and thought about my paper heart. I turned back to my house and tried to remind myself of how unexpected and perfect the paper heart had been. I won't lie, I was still a little annoyed, I couldn't eat the paper heart, I wanted the damn cheese. I had walked about a hundred feet when I heard a lady behind me yelling 'lady'. I turned around, it was the shop keeper, she was coming back from her lunch to open the shop. I walked into the shop and asked if she had cheese. She did. I happily carried my bag home and made a delicious lunch. This day had turned around. This little white heart brought light to my week.

These are the sorts of moments that I love about the Peace Corps. I thank Athena for helping me to recognize when something so small can be so wonderful. Hope can wash over you when you least expect it. It is our job to recognize it and cherish it as special.

My little white paper heart. A true piece of peace.